He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
