Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
