I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
