and you said cock pushups were impossible
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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