I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A+ Viking dick
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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