He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
