I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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