Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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