I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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