4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
