Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
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