Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
