so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
