toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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