Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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