I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize