bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
