Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
then he tried to convert me to islam
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
