chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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