Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So much rum. So many feels.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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