the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
