I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
