okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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