Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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