I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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