she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
