3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize