fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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