Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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