It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
