Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
