rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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