margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
