I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
