It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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