i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize