You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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