Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
