Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
