I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
