piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
