My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize