I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
