with your own penis?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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