just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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