Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
