We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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