U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize