do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
