Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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