i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
