WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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