Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
