he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
