Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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