I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
