Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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