need another drink. this is the easiest way
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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