ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
