Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
