I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize