Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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