Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
