dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
