I'm eating all of the evidence.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
