Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
