He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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