Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
