Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
